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Anticipatory grief: When grief begins long before the final goodbye

Metropolitan Memorial Parks

6 February 2026

The word "grief" typically invokes images of sorrow after a loss, the immediate aftermath, the funeral, the empty chair. But for millions of people, a complex, deeply painful emotional process begins long before the final goodbye. We often see the impact of anticipatory grief first-hand and are committed to creating spaces for understanding, support and open conversation around loss.

What is anticipatory grief?

Anticipatory grief is the profound sense of loss feltwhen a death or a major life change is impending, but has not yet occurred. It is most commonly experienced by individuals and families facing a terminalillness, a progressive disease like Alzheimer's or a slow decline in a lovedone's health.

A person stands in a sunlit field, facing away amidst tall grass. The sun shines brightly, creating a serene, contemplative atmosphere.

Unlike conventional grief, which is a reaction to a loss that has already happened, anticipatory grief exists alongside the person who is still alive. This creates a deeply confusing emotional terrain. You are simultaneously living in the present, loving, caring for and spending time with your loved one, while also mourning the eventual, inevitable absence.

This form of grief before loss isn't simply sadness; it's an active emotional and psychological process that helps a person slowly absorb the reality of the impending change.

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Common symptoms of anticipatory grief

While it shares common emotions with conventional grief including sadness, crying and depression, anticipatory grief carries its own unique, often conflicting, emotional burdens. The experience is often described as an emotional rollercoaster, where feelings can shift wildly from one moment to the next.

Common experiences include:

Mourning multiple losses: The grief is not just for the eventual death, but for ongoing, progressive losses: the loss of the loved one’s personality, their physical abilities, their independence and any future plans shared holidays, traditions or even ordinary moments.
Conflicting emotions: It is normal to feel guilt alongside sorrow. You may find yourself having thoughts about your loved one’s suffering ending, a natural desire for relief, which can be quickly followed by guilt for having those thoughts at all.
Anxiety and fear: Because the timing is uncertain, many people live in a state of heightened anxiety. Caregivers often worry obsessively about the loved one’s pain, the moment of death or how they will manage after the loss.
Anger and irritability: You may feel profound anger at the unfairness of the illness or the situation. This anger can sometimes be misdirected toward others, or even, complexly toward the person who is dying.
Emotional numbness or detachment: To cope with the overwhelming pain, some individuals may emotionally detach or feel numb. While this can be a necessary protection mechanism, it can later lead to feelings of regret or guilt for not being fully present.

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Acknowledging anticipatory grief

Recognising anticipatory grief is important for two key reasons. Firstly, it validates your pain. If you are caring for a loved one, you may feel exhausted, isolated and torn between your role as a loving caregiver and your role as a grieving person. Acknowledging that you are experiencing anticipatory grief allows you to treat yourself with the compassion you deserve. Secondly, this period can offer profound opportunities for connection and closure.

How to cope with anticipatory grief

While anticipatory grief is painful, it offers a precious window of time to focus on quality of life and strengthening your bond.

Focus on the present: While you cannot stop the future, you can intentionally create meaningful moments today. This doesn't require grand gestures; it could be sharing a favourite movie, looking through old photos or simply sitting together in comfortable silence.
Practice self-compassion: You cannot pour from an empty cup. Give yourself permission to rest, seek out enjoyable activities and maintain vital social connections. If you are a caregiver, look into respite care to give yourself a break.
Seek support: This is not something you need to navigate alone. Talk openly with trusted friends, family, a grief counsellor or therapist. You might also find comfort in community spaces such as support groups for families of those with chronic or terminal illness or in facilitated conversations like Death Cafés, where people come together to speak openly about death and loss.
Resolve unfinished business: If possible, use this time for honest conversation. Expressing love, asking for forgiveness or giving thanks can offer enormous comfort for both you and your loved one, providing a sense of closure that will be invaluable later.

Anticipatory grief is a marathon, not a sprint. It does not replace the grief felt after death, but it provides a difficult, yet vital, space for the heart to begin adjusting to a new reality.

We offer grief and planning resources to support people through all stages of grief, encouraging understanding, reflection and connection.

Be gentle with yourself, honour every emotion as it comes and know that your love, in its present joy and its impending sorrow, is what defines this profoundly human experience.

Good Grief